That’s not this week, is it?

Posted October 15, 2015 by Tara Pealer

-A statement said by me about all my assignments so far.

A major part of my first semester at Simmons has been deadlines.

Beyond the usual multiple assignment due dates carefully written in color coding in my planner, there’s the days I have to meet with group members (group members being new to a highly independent English major, but definitely welcomed), and, finally the important due dates of TOR and the LIS Program Planning Sheet.

Both of which are due on the same day, and both of which were a little nerve wracking.

The TOR(Technology Orientation Requirement) had been a breeze for me, until I reached the HTML coding section and a tiny monster inside of began to insist that I had no clue what I was doing. Which, notably, is the point of TOR. It exposes students to technology they may have some trouble with. Anyway, I shut down at that point, and haven’t looked at it since. I just need to sit down and allow myself to not understand something, to accept that, and move forward. Luckily, another student and I are banding together to make sure we both get it finished today!

The LIS Program Planning Sheet, however, was a different kind of fear. I am, I’ve mentioned, an introvert, so my first fear was that my advisor would take an instant, unchangeable dislike to me. (Thankfully, a fear unfounded, as my advisor is knowledgeable and very helpful.) My second fear was that I would leave the meeting with absolutely no plan for my future.

I’ve always been very into planning, so I came to my appointment fifteen minutes early, with six different pages full of plans, schedules, and questions. I’m still not 100% sure what I’m doing, but I’m good at knowing how to make plans far in advance of actually knowing anything. (You remember the book spreadsheet. There are many more.) Generally, my ‘planning’ is ‘plan for any and all possible paths that I could follow, find, or trip and fall into’, so my advisor was able to wade through the inevitable numerous questions about how to organize the different classes and guide me to a plan that actually made sense.

Unfortunately, the best laid plans of mice and men tend to not work out perfectly. When Simmons released the draft of the schedule, only two of my three ‘spring 2015’ classes were on the list. I didn’t have plans for other ways to reorganize my schedule. But the only way to face my obsessive planning fears is to take them in strides and own them. I have to be able to acknowledge that I am trying my best and doing my best, and that that is the best I can do.

And maybe to refer to my planner a little more often.